The big black hole of a terrible November

It’s been a long, dark and unproductive month. I did an AutoCAD class because I need to know AutoCAD to do the work I want to do but didn’t learn it during my masters, which was very frustrating. I don’t know if it will get me the job I want but it can’t make me less employable.
I’m good at the whole school thing. Way better at it than I am at the whole life thing. I seem quite awful at the life thing. It was fun and intense and I am not too bummed out it’s over.
On top of that was the whole American election thing. I really really liked Hillary Clinton and wanted her to be president. She was not perfect, far from it, but I believed that she was good at listening to average people and trying to improve their lot in life. On top of that Donal Trump is quite horrifying and totally not good for anyone in this world. As a Canadian I can say I don’t know anyone who would have voted for the awful orange dude. Our own hot sexy magazine spread Prime Minster has made a couple of choices that make my soul hurt and I am not okay with — Kinder Morgan and electoral reform. It’s been a hard month.
For a long-time I felt that we were on a forward trajectory. That we would move forward and get smarter and deal with these enormous challenges we face. Left or right it’s hard to say that over the last month humanity has done anything but backslide into a reckless abyss. I want to think about the future but it’s just horrifying.
I lived in Vancouver for about eight months and want to move back there. I’d love to get a house boat and live in the harbour. I want to kayak those beautiful waters. I have spent countless hours wandering those beaches. The future of Vancouver is going to be quite painful in a lot of ways. On top of rising sea levels we now have to contend with oil spills and destruction of the precious ecosystems that make the Pacific Northwest so majestic. The things that make it worth living there even if it means getting crushed to death in an earthquake.
I want to make stuff and achieve things but mostly I’ve been in survival mode. Studying for tests or too sad to do much more than read and binge watch Netflix. This month will be better. It has to be.
I will get back to my manuscript. I will do the things I want to do. I will start moving forward instead of treading water.
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